A Post! and then a Hiatus

I know that apologies and hollow sentiments are meaningless to my three blog readers so I will not trifle with them before the big blog post before another break.  Thanks, however, for stopping by.

Things in SATE land have been quite chaotic to say the least for the past several months.  Summer vacation, as parents everywhere know, never is and with the PCS Fairly gazing lovingly upon us it has been a little worse.  Throw in an adoption and adding a teenager to the house and the crazy meter pegs.

Here’s what we’ve been up to:

May 2:  The Czar moves in permanently.

June 6:  Last day of school for all parties involved (‘cept me – I was done May 28 with all my work for the semester)

June 6 – 8: The Queen B and I spend a lovely weekend at Route 66 Raceway getting a nitro fix.  Oh how I love my nitro.

June 13 – 15th:  Father’s Day Camping Trip.  When we commence on our big adventure this Friday, the plan is to go to Ft. Bliss by way of South Dakota because we’ll have a week before our housing is available and because with three kids and two dogs in the cars, we thought short stretches would be best.  So we took a couple of trips to make sure that everything in the camper works and that the newness of camping had worn off a little bit.  All went well and a good time was had by all.  I should interject at this point that the campers next to us were obnoxious.  From the 10 or 11 year old kid that cried to his mom that my boys were “picking on him and calling him names” that I subsequently heard calling a little girl on the beach a “fat bitch” to his mother who is one of those people that tells you not only her whole life story but those of her children within the first five minutes of meeting her AND THEN proceeds to drink all our beer by the campfire and including the husband who’s only audible presence all weekend was arguing with his wife on Sunday morning.  “Will you just use your fucking head?”  Sounds like an asshole, but the wife didn’t seem real great at thinking for herself so I understand that frustration.  On the bright side, her four year old daughter and our five year old son got along famously all weekend and that’s always fun to watch.  The five of us had a nice time.  The weather was great and no one got hurt.  Perfect.

June 20 -22.  WORST. CAMPING. TRIP. EVER.

This weekend was our first trip with the dogs.  It would have have been fine except for a few little “issues”.  First, like a good proactive dog owner, I treated the dogs with flea and tick repellant the morning of the trip.  Well, Champ proceeded to lick the stuff off Maddie’s neck.  Now I know what nerve gas works like.  He got so sick that he was throwing up in the truck ten minutes after we left the house (after seeming okay when we left).  By the time we got to the campground (about 50 minutes later), he was in a full on “episode” thanks to the nerve agent in the tick medicine.  Including eating leaves and dirt, extreme thirst and a mini-seizure.  I honestly thought my dog was going to die right there.  He recovered quickly after some more water and a little time but in the middle of the night, the nausea returned.  Can I ask you what is a more wonderful sound to hear in the middle of the night while laying semi-awake in a pop-up campier than the sound of a dog  barfing his guts out?

To improve upon that, with gas nearly $4.00 a gallon, I have to drive the dogs home in the morning because they’re not allowed on the hiking trails.  UGH.  To all you useless pet owners who don’t clean up after them and thus ruin it for everyone I say a mighty “Fuck you!  Thanks for ruining everything for the rest of us.”  But I bite the bullet and take the puppies home and return to the park for a day of hiking, fun and sun.  Another day with perfect weather.

One small problem:  The Khan.  See, he’s five, right?  And eating and drinking are not his priority.  Playing and running are.  Well, with temps in the mid 80′s that’s a bad idea.  He proceded to get dehydrated or a bit of heat exhaustion or something.  Saturday night of this big adventure HE was the one throwing up in the camper.  To make it worse, The Khan feels really bad about things like throwing up.  After he was potty trained – the very rare accident would cause a meltdown -”I’m a bad boy!” kind of thing.  So it’s the middle of the night and his majesty is vomiting and crying and apologizing and all I want to do is sleep in my nice comfy bed in my house instead of my camper.  UGH.

June 28 -29th:  Niece’s wedding and Twins – Brewers game.  Very fun.  I have determined that every time I see the Twins play in the dome two great things happen:  The Twins win and the Yankees lose.  Granted this is based on only two observation opportunities, but the potential is there.  If it is true, I wish I had season tickets.  I hate the Yankees so much.  I don’t hate the Brewers but the way they played that day definitely earned them the loss.

July 1:  Queen B goes to Houston.  I miss her so much.

July 3:  Finalization of the Czar’s adoption and cookout in Tunnel City

July 4:  The farewell tour continues at my mother-in-law’s house.

July 5:  Repeat July 4 at my mother’s house

July 6:  Repeat above except as a welcome-home party for a friend’s kid that just got back from Basic and AIT.

And here we are:  Tomorrow the movers show up to pack our stuff.  Thursday the truck is loaded and Friday we start driving to El Paso.  So despite this teaser round of bloggy mediocrity (I know bloggy goodness and this isn’t bloggy goodness), you’ll definitely be blogless until the 21st.

At least the matter of how I’ll amuse myself in El Paso is settled.  I applied for admission to the PhD program in Management at NMSU and have been accepted.  Classes begin August 18.  Get ready for two years of my bitching about that!

Stay safe and come back in two weeks for the latest.  Peace.

The Aftermath

Well, after our Worst. Day. Ever. the Khan and I spent a day at home for a change.  Crunchy was around (playing Guild Wars of course) and I had nothing to do so I took the Czar to school and then came home.  I just couldn’t fill my day in any other way.  I helped out (did) the web page and all my grades are done and everything else is just finished.  I digress….

So I get home and the chanting begins “I want to go to the park” “I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”"I want to go to the park”

I, on the other hand, have work I’d like to get done so the answer is, repeatedly, “No.  Later.”  Meltdown ensues.  Again.  So I send him to his room.  Blessedly, the result was this:

find the baby

Bratticus had given the Emporer this chair and the Khan was admiring it from afar.  Can you spot him?  Don’t worry.  I couldn’t either at first.

Maybe this will help:

Find the baby 2

He spent two hours in that chair and awakened a changed man.  Thank God.

But I am still “boring” and “mean”.

And ambivalent.

Worst. Day. Ever.

Exhibit A

Last Thursday, due to the Queen’s trip to Canadia to visit Axe Murderers and shopaholics, I had to take his Excellency the great and powerful Ptichka Khan to work with me. By his Majesty’s account it was “very boring”. Here’s how it unfolded.

First, we dropped the Czar off at school. He is finishing the year at a school near the Uni I work at so it’s not a big deal except for the whole 7:35 start time thing. And his Majesty, in case I haven’t blogged about it before, is NOT a morning person. We managed to get out of the house with relatively little fuss, drop the Czar off and go to my office.

School is done for the year at my uni. I think I should mention that lest you think I am dumb brave enough to take a five year old to one lecture say nothing about two. It was just an office day and my mission was to waste time until the weather got warmer and we could go to the park.

Here’s the thing about his majesty. He loves to be outside. He would be outside ALL THE TIME if he could. Waiting for the park was killing him.

He lasted until 10:30, bless his heart, and then he needed to go! So we went. We drove the short distance to the park only to discover a bus load of kids just dropped off at the playland part of the park. I don’t do busloads of kids so we decided to check out the zoo. The zoo was closed. Meltdown commences.

His majesty, being 5, considers BK the penultimate cuisine. So I attempted a bribe. We’ll go have lunch and then check out the Children’s Museum! Yay! Won’t that be fun? “No, I want to go to the park.” This exchange repeated itself a couple of times with the same result but since I was driving, I win. We went to BK for lunch and his majesty appropriately attired himself with a crown.

Then, again, because I was driving, we went to the Children’s Museum. The first thing he spied was a rock wall. Had the rock wall been open and available for his majesty’s use, that could have been awesome. The children’s museum was lame! The rock wall was not only closed, there was no indication of when it might be open. The displays were mostly uninteresting and it took quite a while for the Khan to get interested in anything. By that time I was bored.

So about an hour and a half in, I convinced his majesty to take a walk. We walked around downtown until we found a candy store where I allowed his majesty to select a lollipop. Of course, there was a selection of multiple sizes and types available to him and he, being five, chose the biggest one as evidenced above. And he walked in his inimitable (adorable) fashion with his crown on and his huge lollipop as we walked the ten blocks (at most) back to my parking spot. People thought it was his birthday.

His thoughts? “Mama, you’re kind of boring.”

See for yourself.

Most of the Time…

I am okay with different approaches to parenting, you know? Live and let live, but if your children are obnoxious then please keep them away from me. I work very hard to raise my kids to be self supporting, independent (even if they’re not quite there yet ;) ) and employ a little tool I like to call “Common Sense” or CS for short.

One thing that would bring me immense joy is for CS to reach an epidemic level but alas I fear it is moving the other way. Something has me very pissed off today and I need to share. Hang tight and give me a hell yeah when I’m done, okay?

We watch our nephews a couple nights a week. They are three and a half and very, very shy and not at all independent. Sometimes I call them socially retarded because they don’t answer a direct question and give you the infamous “deer in headlights” look when you talk to them. They get along with the boys fine, but apparently Sarge and I are pretty scary. I mean they don’t answer questions like “Would you like a drink?” or “Do you need to use the potty?” I guess I think a three year old should manage these responses especially when they see the adults asking them two days a week. I digress…

We have always had animals and our boys have always known what the dogs are and are not allowed to do. Our boys also have a very healthy relationship with our animals and understand that our beasts trust them and expect the boys to treat them with tender loving care – and share the popcorn.

Our boys have taken to a movie night on Sunday with the twins. They play downstairs until dinner and after dinner they’ll put in a movie while playing some more. Bedtime snack is popcorn because it is easy and if they make a mess, my canine vacuum units take care of it. Well, Sunday night, my nephew had his popcorn and Champ was looking for him to share. Kid 1 didn’t want to share and his response to Champ’s polite inquiry was to hit him – and he admits that he hit Champ (the greatest dog ever) repeatedly and hard. So how did Champ respond? Champ bit him. Unfortunately, he broke the skin on the palm of his hand.

Being a mom with 20 years of experience as well as a former CNA, I have some knowledge of infection control and minor wound care, right? So I wash his hands (he can’t do this himself but I will not comment on that either) and treat the wound with Neosporin and a band-aid. This experience should be over. Maybe he needs the bandaid changed a few times and neosporin re-applied to prevent infection but I’m thinking that step did not occur after he returned to the care of his parents. So he develops some redness at the wound site and a red streak on his arm (could this have also come from his cat? or his own dog?). His parents’ first thought is Rabies. They call, not once but twice, asking if Champ is current on his shots. This pisses me off tremendously. Okay, I’m a broke bad dog owner, but he is scheduled for his next shots in April so he’s not current, but for a dog to get rabies, he needs to catch it from a rabid animal. He has no exposure to any animals other than my other damn dog and cat. Get serious. I don’t need this shit. I need a god-damned medal for biting my tongue when my nephew’s idiot mother asked me if I washed his hands before I put the band-aid on. I really wanted to say “No. I stuck it in the cat litter box thinking that, you know, litter would help the blood clot better. Was that a bad idea?”

Where’s my medal? Once I get that one I will command my prize for withholding comment on the fact that Kid 2′s name means a Sammurai who has dishonored his master and is now masterless. He’s adorable but I hope he never figures out what his name means. Every time I see him I think “Damn you’re cute, but your parents are morons.”

New Plan!

I am mourning the loss of all my loyal readers since moving to WordPress.  It is very sad, but I like the templates better and am looking forward to my own hosted blogs in the near future.  Please come back!

I’m going to try something different with the old bloggy-goodness that I hope you’ll like.  Theme Days.  First up, I’m going to post daily – at least Monday through Friday.

Monday’s Theme:  Army Life

Tuesday:  Things that make me go hmmm…. (maybe this will be picture day!)

Wednesday:  Make it work.

Thursday:  I think I’ll jump on the “Love Thursday” bandwagon.

Friday:  Destination Organization.  Watch Fridays for before and after decluttering pictures, how I did it posts and polls.  This Friday coming up will be a “Keep or Toss” poll.  I hope you’ll stop by.

Weekend posts will be of the Weekend Philosophy genre.

If it’s on Keyboard Therapy, the goal is M-W-F and that’s going to be my rants and random thoughts about politics and current events.

Discover Indies will re-launch within the next two weeks – both the site and a blog.  I still believe in independent business so I need to give it just one more try.

ASFK is all kid stuff, all the time.

As a Compensation for the Downer Post…

And because I suspect you fear for my sanity, here is proof of the wonder that is the Wii.

The Great Khan Conquers the Wii

Dad, you're not making sense again