Please Help!

January 19, 2012 By

Dear Blog Readers,

They’re ganging up on me. The children. My nemesis and his adorable little friend (pictured above). Even Mother Nature is giving me the finger. This morning I awakened at 4:00 for a drink of water. I went to the kitchen to discover that either the above dog has gotten incredibly intelligent or one of my children went on a midnight snack run and left the refrigerator door open. In the refrigerator was a pound of beef liver that I had boiled but not yet cut up for training purposes. The key word at this point is was. I found an empty plate (otherwise undisturbed from its resting place – she’s that good) and was met by a very unrepentant dog.

This morning, I discovered half of my favorite pair of shoes destroyed. One hates rugs, the other hates yarn. Maddie cannot stand area rugs to the point that any efforts to stem the flow of snow into my house are met by her bunching up said rug and moving it out of the doorway. Bucky will grab my current knitting project and attempt to carry it away. He doesn’t care about other projects, just the one I am working on now. The vet said he was four or five. I think the vet is full of shit mistaken because of all the “puppy behaviors” he displays – chewing, etc. Shoes, legos and K-nex are not. safe. And he knows nothing. Not sit, not stay, not off. But he has a personality that makes it hard to stay mad at him.

Then we will add the weather. This week I have spent roughly $100 on equipment for wearing these two naughty little hounds out. I bought my first pair of snowboots in a very long time, a split lead so I can take them both on one leash, a backpack for Bucky so we burn more energy on our walks. (I’m reading a dog training book that recommends it for all medium and large sized dogs). Gloves, warm gloves. I am ready for anything! But this shit is ridiculous. So, of course, they’re whining to go outside every ten minutes. This process requires me to put on my full winter battle rattle which takes five minutes and then they only want to be outside two minutes because they’re too cold to do all their business. We come back in, they warm up, I take off my battle rattle and repeat.

It’s going to be a long day.

Send cocoa. With schnapps.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Love Thursday, Random Stuff Tagged With: , , ,

Progress Report on the BIG DATE!

March 13, 2008 By

So tomorrow night is the big date. Honestly, it is the most dressed up I have ever been at a social event with my husband unless you count the time we were in my sister’s wedding. Even then, I spent more on this outfit than that one so this is kind of a big deal. Another piece of supporting evidence is that he will be wearing his blues which, in my opinion, are more formal than a tuxedo. They just make such a statement!

While preparing for this little soiree, I learned some valuable lessons that I am happy to pass along.

1. Ordering formal wear online is probably not the best idea. I had near panic when the skirt arrived two sizes too small. When I ordered an alternate, I ordered two different sizes just in case and – Surprise! – the one that fit is the same damn size as the first one that didn’t fit.

2. E.L.F. cosmetics are not all they’re cracked up to be. Sure, nearly everything is a dollar so you can try a lot of stuff for cheap, but the coverage is not great, the brushes are scratchy and the eyeliner is completely unacceptable. They felt literally like trying to draw liner on with an actual pencil. Of course, my normal brand is Clinique’s kohl pencil or some such so that’s a high standard to meet. I did learn a little about blending from the ELF guidelines. I guess my suggestion is that if you want new colors, try them with ELF and then, if you like the colors, buy them from a higher quality supplier.

3. If you are a woman and you read my blog, please take this advice: Go to the Clinique counter and buy yourself some Black Honey lipstick. It is the most beautiful color ever. On second thought, the way that’s listed makes it look like it’s going away. You just better wait until I’ve ordered a lifetime supply. I know it looks dark, but it is gorgeous. You’re welcome.

Saturday I will update you on the date. Now I need to find a place for a manicure.

Filed Under: Indulge Me, Random Stuff

Crap! I need a blog topic!

March 10, 2008 By

Where’s the book when I need it? I didn’t mean that I was not going to blog any more after last Tuesday’s post and I certainly didn’t mean for it to be almost a week on radio silence. I have seven or eight readers to keep happy and that’s a VERY. BIG. DEAL.

I don’t want to say I’ve no thoughts because I’m full of them but most of those thoughts are real downers. I’ll be 40 in a month and a half and it is typical me to do a retrospective around the anniversary of my birth and to be pissed off. Pissed off is where I am. Really, it would be great to say things are looking up and the future’s rosy but the reality is that all my dreams are dead. Dire? Sure. But let’s take a look:

Job: Have to move because I can’t afford to stay. Even if I did stay, the state’s budget crisis threatens to undermine my job security anyway.

House: What do I really need to say? We’ll lose the Michigan house one way or another and quite likely never be in a position to own our own house again. Not to mention that the business of my dreams is still for sale and there is no viable way I’ll ever be able to purchase it. I know I could make it successful but I can’t make the purchase so what’s the difference? Do you know that I seriously did play the lottery for about three weeks hoping that the odds, while absolutely impossible, might swing in my favor. I literally pissed away a full $60.00 and didn’t win a dime.

Websites: The domain renewals are due for lisasharp.com and asisterforkostya.com. I have decided not to renew the adoption website because another adoption will never happen. I’m not over reacting and I’m no longer kidding myself. At this point I’m leaning toward not renewing the hosting account and effectively ending lisasharp.com’s run also.

Grumpy much? No, not really. I’m resigned and resigning. I’m a follower whether I like it or not so follow is what I will do. Hopefully the leader has a good map.

Filed Under: Army Life, Mondays, Random Stuff

Before I Got Distracted…

March 4, 2008 By

More great news on the mortgage front today. Lovely how just when you think things can’t get worse. The house has been on the market for 369 days and counting and interest from buyers is zero. Nice? I think so.

Got a new hair cut today. Probably was a bad plan. I’m not in love with it by any means but hopefully it will grow on me (pun intended). I wanted different and different it is.

I’m in a funk. Forty is looming very, very large. I feel old, fat, frumpy and an overwhelming sense of futility. I am not liking the current situation nor am I liking the prospects for the future. The job market in EP looks pretty shitty and I’ve still not broken the news to my boss. And I don’t feel like blogging anymore. I don’t feel like I’m being interesting so I’ll stop. Go back to the meme and play along.

This about sums it up.

Peace.

Filed Under: Quickies, Random Stuff, Rants

Mommy and Me Time…

March 2, 2008 By

See? I bet you thought this would be a cute Khan story. Sorry about that. But when there are six of them it is even fun to get to hang with the big kids one-on-one once in a while. Last night Ogre and I took in our our first ever live NBA game when the Bucks hosted his beloved Spurs at the Bradley Center in Milwaukee. It was fun but the energy level was not what I had expected. It was very surreal to have the visiting team’s fans make more noise than the home team’s fans. We did fall into the former category though so it was more funny than sad. The Bucks did play very well but lost in a nail-biter 96-94. I have a newfound respect for them as a team but I kind of have to agree with The Sports Guy. Michael Redd and Andrew Bogut looked really good.

I have now seen a professional football, baseball, basketball and racing event. What’s next?

Oh and uh… This guy?

Needs to work on his damn free throws. I mean, he had a great game – 26points – but he missed probably eight free throw tries.

While this guy:
Is just plain damn awesome. As much as it pains me to agree with him on anything, I second Crunchy’s thoughts on the All-Star Game snub.

EDIT: Here’s me and the kid:

Filed Under: Random Stuff, Six of Them

Stressful…

February 27, 2008 By

I have just over two weeks (until March 14) to turn a sow into a silk purse. Yes, the sow is me and I will be escorted by my dashing soldier husband (I’m not even going to lie about how seeing him in his dress uniform makes me twitter – it does to his unit’s annual dining out. For you lucky non-Army people uninitiated, a dining out is a FORMAL event. Formal as in Sarge wears his very sexy blues and I need a formal dress. I need suggestions. Links, pictures, moral support. I am not a teeny tiny girl, I’m me. I haven’t worn a long dress since my first wedding and that fucker didn’t even fit. No idea where to look, what to look for, shoes, hair, makeup, nothing. I am completely clueless. This is the very first time I will accompany my husband of 14 years to a formal event and I guess I would like to make my best effort at looking good. Please, loyal readers, help me!

Edit: I think I have it covered. I went with this:
And this:

Plus a little black clutch purse. Now I just need shoes and jewels.

Filed Under: Army Life, Random Stuff

Politique

February 12, 2008 By

I read a lot of discourse on the web about why I’m voting for or not voting for so and so and now that my candidate of choice has withdrawn from the race, maybe I’ll weigh in on what I’d really like to see in our next President.

I can think for myself. I don’t need my President to define my morals.

I don’t want my President to pander to the NEA, NRA or any other abbreviations except the V.O.T.E.R.S.

I support term limits for each and every elected office in this country. Yes. That one too.

We need more MBA’s and CPAs running this country and a lot fewer lawyers.

Faith-based initiatives violate the separation of church and state.

Marriage is a sacrament defined by a church. Any Citizen should have the right to enter a civil union with whomever they choose. It should be required in addition to marriage to be joined by a public official – like in France.

I can control my guns. My government doesn’t have to. Guns really don’t kill people, stupidity does. Prove me wrong. Some stupid person is behind every senseless act of violence. It is our tolerance for acceptable behavior that must change. Not our gun control laws.

If Johnny can’t read, it’s Johnny’s fault and his parents’ fault. Johnny needs role models, not friends. Teach him to respect his elders, respect authority and still question the status quo. And teach the little bastard to read, write and perform fundamental math. If he’s a college freshman that doesn’t know when to use to vs. too vs. two: Johnny is a moron. No child left behind is bullshit. Find a better way to hold both parents and teachers accountable for measurable learning objectives and hold our children to higher standards so that the can compete on a global level. Some kids do deserve to fail and should. So should their parents. What could we do to stupid parents? That is a quandry…

Our government must stop financing our future with debt. And I only want my government to spend my tax dollars on programs that truly add value. Bailing out a company too arrogant to adjust it’s model to consumer demand is a waste of money. If you as a company find yourself in financial difficulty because your sales are down, listen to your god damned customer and fix the problem. Don’t ask my government for money. I don’t think you’re a good investment.

If you lose your job, I’m sorry. But you must understand the labor market is based on supply and demand. If the demand for your skills goes away, then you must be willing to supply a different skill set (which you can acquire with the same federal student aid everyone else is entitled to for the same purpose) or just go somewhere where else where turning that screw pays you sixty grand a year. Get serious. Get smarter. Move up and on.

/rant.

Make it a great day.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Random Stuff

Probably not worth reading… Just move along

February 9, 2008 By

I didn’t even realize that I haven’t blogged this week. I’m so sorry. One of the deadliest The number one deadly sin of successful blogging is maintaining a consistent schedule and I haven’t done that. I’m sorry.

I’ve been in a rare mood lately. Yesterday I called it a rare foul and pissy mood, but I guess it really isn’t rare if it happens every day. I know I could go to my th it, but given their pace, the foreclosure will probably happen first. What can we do? Nothing. Can’t crap out a few months’ worth of mortgage payments on what we make now with no assets to sell other than WAIT! A HOUSE! and our tax refund wouldn’t even make a dent – besides our lovely IRS didn’t have their rule changes in place yet so our return is still “pending” when it was e-filed two weeks ago and we should have had our money by now. UGH. The house has been on the market for one year as of March 1. But the market is terrible. Where our house is located, some 40% of home sales in November were short sales. Why buy a house at full price when you can effectively steal one? The job market is bad and is taking the real estate market with it. If I could un-do the entire Michigan experience, I probably would. Yes, I’m sure I would – even the MBA. I apologize to my husband nearly every day for getting us into this mess. The house will soon be gone, one way or another, and pretty much our entire financial future with it. Option 1: Foreclosure – financially devastating for who knows how long? Seven years? Ten? Plus it’s a VA loan meaning we’d likely not ever be able to borrow from them again. Option 2: Short Sale: The VA makes it right with the lender, but we’ll have to cover the VA’s loss if we ever hope to borrow from them again. In a nutshell, from my perspective anyway, it is very unlikely that we’ll be in a position to own a home again unless I make some very radical, unpleasant changes. To de-personalize it, I’m calling it “minimizing under-utilized earning capacity”.

Unfortunately, I’m not quite sure how that will be done. The job market is very supply and demand driven as well and I find myself in a place where my skills are not as in demand as I’d hoped they would be. Why? Oh just because of where we live. Most people don’t have post-secondary education so most jobs don’t require them. Imagine, then, what having a post-post secondary education does for me here? What it did was reduce my wages by half. The most lucrative job offer I had was 20,000 less than I made at the horrible job I left in Michigan. The best offer, the job that I love so much with the greatest boss I’ve ever had, is $24K less. Don’t you go to school to make more money? Not when you’re me, evidently. I went to school to get another massive pile of loan debt. I apologize to my husband frequently for this too. I just feel so profoundly guilty and I don’t know what to do. Because we’re here, changing jobs doesn’t even make sense. I won’t make any more money so why bother? And did I mention my job is awesome? This semester I’m almost even feeling like I might be okay at it – no matter what last semester’s SEI’s say! I digress…

It always seems to me that things progress from bad to worse to completely shitty. Sometimes, of course, life throws me a bone – like the job that I actually like for a change – but mostly, I think that is to keep me from being completely batshit crazy. I am not 100% sure it is working. Because, the day after we get the first forclosure letter, because of DiscoverIndies (the website I had hoped to launch to promote independently owned hospitality businesses) I got an e-mail from a broker telling me that my dream is for sale. Running a business with exactly this configuration and location is something I would love to do the rest of my life. I’d keep it open year-round though. Most definitely. It even almost has a banya. Perfect. I did the business plan for it in Graduate School. If anyone can help me out with half a million… e-mail me.

Do you know what rock bottom is like? I could tell you but I doubt I’m there yet. I have, however, reached the milestone where buying powerball tickets is really my retirement plan. Go. Me.

Quickies:

Ramen noodles with diced tomatoes added are delicious. It is hard to improve on the perfection that is ramen, but make chicken ramen noodles, toss in some diced tomatos and add a dash of parmesan cheese. Perfectly delicious.

I am more than a little pissed that Edwards left the presidential race. The media made it a two-horse contest early and never really gave him a shot. Fuck the media.

Lost is back! Awesome.

The writers’ strike may be over. I’m glad. I need more House (because all I do is watch TV these says)

Go find all the video from the Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Conan O’Brien brawl that you can. I’d link you but I’m lazy. Two of the three will be on Comedy Central. The other on NBC. If you live under a rock or, God help you, don’t like the Daily Show, et. al; the three hosts appeared on one another’s shows Monday night and staged this big mock brawl. It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

Crunchy’s blog is still weak but Slutpeter’s is worse. Get to Pete’s from Crunchy’s (Everybody’s Favorite in my blogroll) and tell him so.

Oh and in case my blog has brought you down completely, Sarah Silverman is F*cking Matt Damon.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Random Stuff, Rants

I probably should apologize…

January 29, 2008 By

But I’m not going to. I’ve been busy! But I have been checking the sitemeter and it appears while I have met a blogging goal milestone, I have also lost a couple loyal readers. My average visits per day is down to six from nine. It’s disappointing to say the least.

The milestone? You ask. Well, I’m very proud to say that for whatever reason, this post came up in someone’s “my mom is f*cking my friend” pron search. Woo hoo! The oddness of the internet never ceases to amaze me. But with those search results I do feel like I have arrived as a blogger. Go. Me.

In other news, we survived the big FIVE! I’m FIVE Now! and the Big 1-0 this past weekend (Friday and Saturday to be precise) including a party for several of their friends. Here’s a tip: because jackasses people are so bad about the RSVP, wait until people show up and you have a truly accurate headcount and order pizza. The five dollar ones from Pizza Hut are both cheap and tasty. SUCCESS!

Now, how do I bring my readers back? I’ll work on getting back to a regular posting schedule. Honest! Now, I’m back to freezing my ass off. It’s zero degrees here and windy as hell. Did I mention before how much I hate winter?

Filed Under: Blogging, Random Stuff

Inspected, detected and selected…

January 16, 2008 By

Crikey am I tired of doctors and dentists and whatnot! See, I’ve got a very flexible schedule during the semester break and a fairly rigid one during the semester so I thought I’d get some routine maintenance out of the way during the winter break. UGH! Since December 20 I’ve had three dental appointments, three doctors appointments and there are still a few more on the calendar. Bratticus is having oral surgery the 23rd and I go back into the semester schedule that same week. EEP! When all is said and done, I’ll have had three crowns, my annual pap test, mammogram and (whoohoo!) a colonoscopy. Let me tell you that colonoscopy is TONS. OF. FUN. You get to sleep through the test, but the prep is a beeyotch.

I’m tired. But I’ll be 100% sure I’m healthy when I’m done!

A VERY SPECIAL PRIZE if you can identify the lyric in the post title.

Filed Under: Quickies, Random Stuff
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