Please Help!

January 19, 2012 By

Dear Blog Readers,

They’re ganging up on me. The children. My nemesis and his adorable little friend (pictured above). Even Mother Nature is giving me the finger. This morning I awakened at 4:00 for a drink of water. I went to the kitchen to discover that either the above dog has gotten incredibly intelligent or one of my children went on a midnight snack run and left the refrigerator door open. In the refrigerator was a pound of beef liver that I had boiled but not yet cut up for training purposes. The key word at this point is was. I found an empty plate (otherwise undisturbed from its resting place – she’s that good) and was met by a very unrepentant dog.

This morning, I discovered half of my favorite pair of shoes destroyed. One hates rugs, the other hates yarn. Maddie cannot stand area rugs to the point that any efforts to stem the flow of snow into my house are met by her bunching up said rug and moving it out of the doorway. Bucky will grab my current knitting project and attempt to carry it away. He doesn’t care about other projects, just the one I am working on now. The vet said he was four or five. I think the vet is full of shit mistaken because of all the “puppy behaviors” he displays – chewing, etc. Shoes, legos and K-nex are not. safe. And he knows nothing. Not sit, not stay, not off. But he has a personality that makes it hard to stay mad at him.

Then we will add the weather. This week I have spent roughly $100 on equipment for wearing these two naughty little hounds out. I bought my first pair of snowboots in a very long time, a split lead so I can take them both on one leash, a backpack for Bucky so we burn more energy on our walks. (I’m reading a dog training book that recommends it for all medium and large sized dogs). Gloves, warm gloves. I am ready for anything! But this shit is ridiculous. So, of course, they’re whining to go outside every ten minutes. This process requires me to put on my full winter battle rattle which takes five minutes and then they only want to be outside two minutes because they’re too cold to do all their business. We come back in, they warm up, I take off my battle rattle and repeat.

It’s going to be a long day.

Send cocoa. With schnapps.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Love Thursday, Random Stuff Tagged With: , , ,

How (Not) to be a Good Military Wife

November 13, 2011 By

I begin this post with a standing ovation to my heroes in uniform and the men and women serving beside them but carrying the title of “Military Spouse”.  I know that both jobs, at times, can be equally difficult and equally rewarding.  However, there are certain missteps that no self-respecting military spouse should make.  Here they are:

 

1.  Being a military spouse can be very confusing.  Yes, it is a lifestyle for your family.  But at the end of the day, it is just a job.  Your spouse’s job.  Yes, it requires long periods of separation, deployments, frequent moves etc.  but it is a job. You need to put your grown up undies on and deal with it.  If you don’t, it will make you crazy!

2.  It is no more appropriate for you to contact his boss directly than it is for him to contact yours.  If you are in a social setting or at a social function, it is not okay to talk about your husband’s career with his boss or, for that matter, anyone in his chain of command.  Commiserating between spouses is acceptable.  Sometimes.

3.  Take all that shit off your car.  Ditch the ACU purse and the “Proud Army Wife” t-shirt.  It’s called opsec.  Not advertising.  Besides, I haven’t seen anything of that genre that isn’t tacky as hell.

4.  ”Don’t confuse my rank with your authority” is a myth.  You have no rank, you have no authority.  Period.  Your position as household six does not put you in his official command structure.  NEVER NEVER NEVER call your husband’s boss to bitch about anything.  Trust me when I say your beloved will thank you for it.  All these calls do is cause complications and get your loved ones’ mates thinking he’s whipped and ineffective.  ”Does your wife make all your decisions?”  If you’re calling his chain of command, the answer to that is a hard to disprove “yes”.

5.  Support your local family programs.  There is strength in numbers and the friendships you will make during your spouse’s career are invaluable.  Just like in every situation, these social groups are what you make of it.  If you don’t like it, put yourself out there and change it.  Use your powers for good!

6.  Take time to pursue your own interests and stay your own person.  Work if it suits you, get an education, volunteer.  Keep your marketable skills sharp.  You never know when you might need them.  Do not vest yourself so fully in your spouse’s career, that you neglect your own.

7. Manage your money wisely.  Be a fully informed partner in your financial future.  There are lots of benefits to military life.  Familiarize yourself with them and use them to the max!

8.  The very best advice I can give you is to treat people the way the way you expect to be treated.  Not everyone will be nice to you but you will still like the person looking back at you in the mirror.  Also, if you notice that EVERYONE is being a bitch, it’s not them.  It’s you.

 

 

Filed Under: Army Life, Blogging, Don't make me break stuff Tagged With: ,

Yet Another Great Customer Service Story

February 22, 2008 By

So I am paying my bills right? And I’ve got one in the stack that is a big fat mistake. When we moved in June, Alltel screwed up the market change on our account big time. A couple months later I got an eight hundred dollar bill and my brain promptly blew up all over the ceiling. I called them, we talked through everything and I was assured everything is fine. So today, as I’m going through the remnants of bills to pay, I find a collection notice (WTF?)from an AllTel account. I’ve had no disruption of service and remember back in September everything was supposed to be A-OK.

I called AllTel. “Ma’am I don’t know how you didn’t get a bill”
Me: “I didn’t bet a bill for this amount because I PAID IT.”
AT: “We have no record of that”
Me: “Then why did I not get a bill after that last call in September when I was assured the bill was a-ok and I didn’t owe you anything beyond my regular monthly payments on my current account?”
AT: “I DON’T. KNOW.”
Me: “So what do we do?”
AT: “You need to pay the bill”
Me: “I already did”

And then my po-dunk bank pisses me off because I’m trying to pull up transactions online and can only get them from the middle of January 2008 to present no matter how hard I try. (Said bank already pisses me off because they’re not Quicken 2005 compatible with transaction downloads. I mean – what’s the rush? It’s 2008!)

AT: “I have no record of payment.”
Me: “And thanks to my hick bank, I can’t prove anything either. But I paid the bill, Alltel took my money and assured me everything was fine.”
AT: “Well, I can find no record of that.”
Me: “So what we have here is a situation where I can’t prove I paid this amount and you can’t prove that I didn’t”.
AT: “Yes Ma’am”
Me: “So I have to pay this bill”
AT: “Yes Ma’am”
Me: “So because your customer service people in (the shithole town I live in) can’t process a simple market change correctly I’m out another $165? And this is despite the fact that you can’t really prove I didn’t already pay it?”
AT: “Yes ma’am. I’m sorry ma’am”
Me: “Yes, I will bet you are because right before you came on the line, I agreed to take a customer satisfaction survey and I will be looking forward to that call within the next two hours. You have a great day.”

Fuck you.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff

Clarification

February 13, 2008 By

I just want to clarify the post from yesterday. I don’t hold anything against anyone except when people portray themselves as victims of their own choices. You know? I mean if you’ve smoked your whole life, you’re to blame for your health issues. Don’t ask me to save you if you’re not willing to save yourself. And to claim that employers can’t hold you accountable for drug addiction because it’s a medical issue is bullshit too.

At the risk of sounding churchy or preachy I want to say that I love everyone the way that God loves me. But it frustrates me when people try to shift responsibility for their actions onto society as a whole. Does that make sense? Trust me, I’m not a bitch. Some of you even know that first-hand.

And maybe you’ll get my views on church later. I’m very fed up with that area of my life right now too.

Peace. I love you.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Indulge Me

Politique

February 12, 2008 By

I read a lot of discourse on the web about why I’m voting for or not voting for so and so and now that my candidate of choice has withdrawn from the race, maybe I’ll weigh in on what I’d really like to see in our next President.

I can think for myself. I don’t need my President to define my morals.

I don’t want my President to pander to the NEA, NRA or any other abbreviations except the V.O.T.E.R.S.

I support term limits for each and every elected office in this country. Yes. That one too.

We need more MBA’s and CPAs running this country and a lot fewer lawyers.

Faith-based initiatives violate the separation of church and state.

Marriage is a sacrament defined by a church. Any Citizen should have the right to enter a civil union with whomever they choose. It should be required in addition to marriage to be joined by a public official – like in France.

I can control my guns. My government doesn’t have to. Guns really don’t kill people, stupidity does. Prove me wrong. Some stupid person is behind every senseless act of violence. It is our tolerance for acceptable behavior that must change. Not our gun control laws.

If Johnny can’t read, it’s Johnny’s fault and his parents’ fault. Johnny needs role models, not friends. Teach him to respect his elders, respect authority and still question the status quo. And teach the little bastard to read, write and perform fundamental math. If he’s a college freshman that doesn’t know when to use to vs. too vs. two: Johnny is a moron. No child left behind is bullshit. Find a better way to hold both parents and teachers accountable for measurable learning objectives and hold our children to higher standards so that the can compete on a global level. Some kids do deserve to fail and should. So should their parents. What could we do to stupid parents? That is a quandry…

Our government must stop financing our future with debt. And I only want my government to spend my tax dollars on programs that truly add value. Bailing out a company too arrogant to adjust it’s model to consumer demand is a waste of money. If you as a company find yourself in financial difficulty because your sales are down, listen to your god damned customer and fix the problem. Don’t ask my government for money. I don’t think you’re a good investment.

If you lose your job, I’m sorry. But you must understand the labor market is based on supply and demand. If the demand for your skills goes away, then you must be willing to supply a different skill set (which you can acquire with the same federal student aid everyone else is entitled to for the same purpose) or just go somewhere where else where turning that screw pays you sixty grand a year. Get serious. Get smarter. Move up and on.

/rant.

Make it a great day.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Random Stuff

Probably not worth reading… Just move along

February 9, 2008 By

I didn’t even realize that I haven’t blogged this week. I’m so sorry. One of the deadliest The number one deadly sin of successful blogging is maintaining a consistent schedule and I haven’t done that. I’m sorry.

I’ve been in a rare mood lately. Yesterday I called it a rare foul and pissy mood, but I guess it really isn’t rare if it happens every day. I know I could go to my th it, but given their pace, the foreclosure will probably happen first. What can we do? Nothing. Can’t crap out a few months’ worth of mortgage payments on what we make now with no assets to sell other than WAIT! A HOUSE! and our tax refund wouldn’t even make a dent – besides our lovely IRS didn’t have their rule changes in place yet so our return is still “pending” when it was e-filed two weeks ago and we should have had our money by now. UGH. The house has been on the market for one year as of March 1. But the market is terrible. Where our house is located, some 40% of home sales in November were short sales. Why buy a house at full price when you can effectively steal one? The job market is bad and is taking the real estate market with it. If I could un-do the entire Michigan experience, I probably would. Yes, I’m sure I would – even the MBA. I apologize to my husband nearly every day for getting us into this mess. The house will soon be gone, one way or another, and pretty much our entire financial future with it. Option 1: Foreclosure – financially devastating for who knows how long? Seven years? Ten? Plus it’s a VA loan meaning we’d likely not ever be able to borrow from them again. Option 2: Short Sale: The VA makes it right with the lender, but we’ll have to cover the VA’s loss if we ever hope to borrow from them again. In a nutshell, from my perspective anyway, it is very unlikely that we’ll be in a position to own a home again unless I make some very radical, unpleasant changes. To de-personalize it, I’m calling it “minimizing under-utilized earning capacity”.

Unfortunately, I’m not quite sure how that will be done. The job market is very supply and demand driven as well and I find myself in a place where my skills are not as in demand as I’d hoped they would be. Why? Oh just because of where we live. Most people don’t have post-secondary education so most jobs don’t require them. Imagine, then, what having a post-post secondary education does for me here? What it did was reduce my wages by half. The most lucrative job offer I had was 20,000 less than I made at the horrible job I left in Michigan. The best offer, the job that I love so much with the greatest boss I’ve ever had, is $24K less. Don’t you go to school to make more money? Not when you’re me, evidently. I went to school to get another massive pile of loan debt. I apologize to my husband frequently for this too. I just feel so profoundly guilty and I don’t know what to do. Because we’re here, changing jobs doesn’t even make sense. I won’t make any more money so why bother? And did I mention my job is awesome? This semester I’m almost even feeling like I might be okay at it – no matter what last semester’s SEI’s say! I digress…

It always seems to me that things progress from bad to worse to completely shitty. Sometimes, of course, life throws me a bone – like the job that I actually like for a change – but mostly, I think that is to keep me from being completely batshit crazy. I am not 100% sure it is working. Because, the day after we get the first forclosure letter, because of DiscoverIndies (the website I had hoped to launch to promote independently owned hospitality businesses) I got an e-mail from a broker telling me that my dream is for sale. Running a business with exactly this configuration and location is something I would love to do the rest of my life. I’d keep it open year-round though. Most definitely. It even almost has a banya. Perfect. I did the business plan for it in Graduate School. If anyone can help me out with half a million… e-mail me.

Do you know what rock bottom is like? I could tell you but I doubt I’m there yet. I have, however, reached the milestone where buying powerball tickets is really my retirement plan. Go. Me.

Quickies:

Ramen noodles with diced tomatoes added are delicious. It is hard to improve on the perfection that is ramen, but make chicken ramen noodles, toss in some diced tomatos and add a dash of parmesan cheese. Perfectly delicious.

I am more than a little pissed that Edwards left the presidential race. The media made it a two-horse contest early and never really gave him a shot. Fuck the media.

Lost is back! Awesome.

The writers’ strike may be over. I’m glad. I need more House (because all I do is watch TV these says)

Go find all the video from the Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Conan O’Brien brawl that you can. I’d link you but I’m lazy. Two of the three will be on Comedy Central. The other on NBC. If you live under a rock or, God help you, don’t like the Daily Show, et. al; the three hosts appeared on one another’s shows Monday night and staged this big mock brawl. It was the funniest thing I’ve seen in awhile.

Crunchy’s blog is still weak but Slutpeter’s is worse. Get to Pete’s from Crunchy’s (Everybody’s Favorite in my blogroll) and tell him so.

Oh and in case my blog has brought you down completely, Sarah Silverman is F*cking Matt Damon.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Random Stuff, Rants

Hey!

November 6, 2007 By

Guess what???

My washer is fixed! I had a local place order the right part – the one Sears didn’t bring – last Friday. It arrived today. Sarge fixed it in five minutes. Catching up on the laundry may take years.

Now my car is broken. Specifically, the spedometer. Shit.

Filed Under: Don't make me break stuff, Rants