But Very Squishy in the Middle
Today I bring you the promised pictures of White Sands National Monument.
Once again I wish I was a better photographer, but hopefully you can still be blown away by the sights. One of the biggest draws for some tourists is that you can rent these saucer things and slide down the sand dunes. Our kids, being Wisconsinites, were less than impressed. It was fun, but snow gets faster as you go and is easier to make trails in. Enjoy.
It has now been two months and two days since I worked for pay – any pay. I mean, this mom gig is great but the pay? The pay BLOWS.
And, unfortunately, while I adore my children (yes, even this one), I’ve nver been the kind of person who’s good at entertaining other people. Even as a kid, I could amuse myself for hours with a book or some other diversion and I remember playing with my siblings, but it was always so much easier to just amuse myself and if someone else wished to participate in my amusement, so be it. Fine. I’m not antisocial – just quiet.
So I hate summer vacation. Especially summer vacation where you have this large money eating activity in the middle of it. Well, I guess the PCS isn’t really to blame. I’d be like this regardless: BORED.
Oh screw it! I’m bored myself… no need to bore you. Here:
Here are your first shots from New Mexico. They don’t do it justice because they’re just some snaps from a rest area and because I’m a crappy photographer.
I’ll work on getting you a few more in the next couple of years. I promise.
In the “What I Had For Lunch” category, things are going fine except I’d like to know my school schedule and find an income stream.
Peace. Enjoy the pictures.
We’re living in a sea of boxes right now. It’s so much fun – you wouldn’t believe it. So the guys got creative and asked to make a Nerf Darts course in the backyard with the empty boxes. No problem!
Then the Nerf Darts course became a maze, then a fort. It was fun! The boys started taking pictures of their handiwork and then The Khan got the camera. This is what you get when that happens. Notice there’s a picture of every living thing that was in the backyard’s butt including a very attractive picture of Champ.
Yes, we laugh at this kid continuously.
The Khan: Mama when I get bigger will my weenus get bigger too?
Me: Yes, honey. Everything grows when you grow bigger.
TK: Mama, what are these called?
Me: Well, honey, those are called your testicles. You probably have heard your older brothers call them “balls”.
TK: (very seriously) Oh. I just call ‘em my nuts.
Sarge and I had tears in our eyes after this particular conversation and decided it must be preserved for posterity. And, for me, that means “shared with the blogosphere”.
Didn’t think so. We’ve safely arrived in our new digs after a GLORIOUS FIVE DAY ADVENTURE in the Great American West – right? South Dakota must be the west? This camping trip was so much fun that if we sold our camper tomorrow I’d never miss it. I think. Well, probably eventually because a pop-up DOES beat sleeping in a tent. It does not, however beat a camper with wireless internet and a satellite dish. Apparently that is what you’re required to acquire when you retire from the military. That, my friends, is my new idea of “roughing it”. In all seriousness, the camping wasn’t awful. It was just awful hot. And driving both cars down here really sucked. The boys are great but not much on conversation or enjoying the view. I suppose I wasn’t either at their ages, but still! It made all that driving boring as hell. I also had the Tom-Tom so I had to make sure Sarge could see me or I could reach him by phone. Apparently, South Dakota, Wyoming, Colorado and New Mexico are not known for their cellular coverage. Who knew?
Continuing the bitchy part, I’d like to give a hearty “fuck you” to the dog owners gone before me that have ruined it for the rest of us. You can’t take them anywhere – not even national parks these days – thanks to fuckheads irresponsible dog owners that don’t make their mutts behave or clean up after them. That means no hiking in the badlands, no trip to Mt. Rushmore – well I guess one of the adults could have taken the boys but that kind of contradicts the whole “family” concept, doesn’t it? It was too hot and I’m too responsible to just leave the dogs in the camper unattended. So scratch 90% of the sightseeing. We did take 20 minutes to see the Corn Palace. What a hoot! And the drive through the Badlands was beautiful even if it did cost us $30!
I actually have no complaints about the scenery anywhere along the way. New Mexico is particularly breathtaking but even Wyoming isn’t bad. Wide open spaces are prettier than I’d ever thought they’d be. You’ll be hearing more about New Mexico over the next three years, I’ll expect. With lots of pictures. Not much of the drive though because I can’t take photos and drive at the same time and Sarge would have been really pissed if I’d kept stopping for camera breaks.
Here’s your bullet points:
Prettiest part? New Mexico. All of it.
Ugliest part? Dumbass drivers in Colorado and the abysmal directionals to and within Kirtland AFB. Give me some kind of clue which lane to be in – just in case it’s rush hour (yes, it was) to turn onto the base and then at least try to point me toward the campground. And teach your god damn civilians the phonetic alphabet the rest of the military uses? It is G-O-L-F, Golf is “G” – not Gibson. If you tell me “Gibson” I look for Gibson (later found to be a different street a few blocks away but I’m smart enough that when you tell me to turn on Gibson and then turn on F and both are one-way streets then I can conclude that you mean G and are just an idiot). If you tell me “Golf” I know that “G” Street is at least a definite possibility. Or just use directional signs extensively – like the rest of the military. USAFA is huge and I still found everything. On Kirtland – by the time we found their crappy campground I didn’t want to stay there any more.
Dumbest part? Believing the staff at Kirtland’s FAMCAMP when they said they’d have a space for us “Don’t worry!” is apparently akin to “Of course I’ll respect you in the morning” in Air Force Civ. speak. After six hours of driving (everything takes longer with dogs and children), horrible turn-by-turn directions on the phone with an outdoor rec employee and a general case of pissed off because you’ve been driving and cooped up in a camper with two dogs, three kids and a hubby in the same boat for five days, finally arriving at said campground to find no employee on duty and no space for you is a sure way to peg the pissed off meter.
Our solution? Drive to Soccorro and stay in a Rodeway in that fulfills every stereotype you ever had about motels (yes, motels – exterior entrance rooms) in touristy towns in the Southwest. Red carpets, ugly wall paper, a pool and a continental breakfast. By this point, however, the pool was exactly what the fellas needed (whaling regulations prevent me from entering swimming pools – I know there are laws, but I know people break them and I’m taking no chances) and pizza delivery with a glass of cabernet was what I needed. That and, uh, wireless internet 
I’m not disparaging the motel. It was fine. I think it’s under new management and I think it will improve over time.
Best part? Arriving in El Paso and making the smart choice to check into a hotel with a pool for the remaining two days before our house was available. We found a great Guest House International – a pet-friendly, new hotel with a suite concept, a pool and a continental breakfast- five minutes from the base. We will be recommending them highly in the unlikely event we get visitors. The 2-room suite featured a mini-bar (you know, microwave, fridge, sink) and a separate room with the king-sized bed for the boys. It was heavenly!
Things that sound dirty but aren’t: Kum & Go. Some entrepreneur in Western Minnesota needs to work on either his language comprehension or his branding, right? These are convenience stores / gas stations and there are several of them along I-90. I started thinking “outside the box” (BINGO!) about developing a partner chain of “adult toy store”/ hotel combinations called “Kame & Went”. What do you think?
On the plus side, however, things in El Paso are going reasonably well. We are here. Our stuff is here. We’ve even managed to locate and unpack most of it. The house is nice. The neighbors are nice (the ones we’ve met so far). And Fort Bliss is clearly a professionally run military base. The civilian employees we’ve encountered – even the contractors(!) – are professional and the services are quite acceptable. The PX and commissary are huge and the shopette for gas is two blocks away. Nothing, so far, to complain about except how shitty the movers were. I think that’s another post.
I do have some pictures to post, but that’s another day. Get back to work!
I know that apologies and hollow sentiments are meaningless to my three blog readers so I will not trifle with them before the big blog post before another break. Thanks, however, for stopping by.
Things in SATE land have been quite chaotic to say the least for the past several months. Summer vacation, as parents everywhere know, never is and with the PCS Fairly gazing lovingly upon us it has been a little worse. Throw in an adoption and adding a teenager to the house and the crazy meter pegs.
Here’s what we’ve been up to:
May 2: The Czar moves in permanently.
June 6: Last day of school for all parties involved (‘cept me – I was done May 28 with all my work for the semester)
June 6 – 8: The Queen B and I spend a lovely weekend at Route 66 Raceway getting a nitro fix. Oh how I love my nitro.
June 13 – 15th: Father’s Day Camping Trip. When we commence on our big adventure this Friday, the plan is to go to Ft. Bliss by way of South Dakota because we’ll have a week before our housing is available and because with three kids and two dogs in the cars, we thought short stretches would be best. So we took a couple of trips to make sure that everything in the camper works and that the newness of camping had worn off a little bit. All went well and a good time was had by all. I should interject at this point that the campers next to us were obnoxious. From the 10 or 11 year old kid that cried to his mom that my boys were “picking on him and calling him names” that I subsequently heard calling a little girl on the beach a “fat bitch” to his mother who is one of those people that tells you not only her whole life story but those of her children within the first five minutes of meeting her AND THEN proceeds to drink all our beer by the campfire and including the husband who’s only audible presence all weekend was arguing with his wife on Sunday morning. “Will you just use your fucking head?” Sounds like an asshole, but the wife didn’t seem real great at thinking for herself so I understand that frustration. On the bright side, her four year old daughter and our five year old son got along famously all weekend and that’s always fun to watch. The five of us had a nice time. The weather was great and no one got hurt. Perfect.
June 20 -22. WORST. CAMPING. TRIP. EVER.
This weekend was our first trip with the dogs. It would have have been fine except for a few little “issues”. First, like a good proactive dog owner, I treated the dogs with flea and tick repellant the morning of the trip. Well, Champ proceeded to lick the stuff off Maddie’s neck. Now I know what nerve gas works like. He got so sick that he was throwing up in the truck ten minutes after we left the house (after seeming okay when we left). By the time we got to the campground (about 50 minutes later), he was in a full on “episode” thanks to the nerve agent in the tick medicine. Including eating leaves and dirt, extreme thirst and a mini-seizure. I honestly thought my dog was going to die right there. He recovered quickly after some more water and a little time but in the middle of the night, the nausea returned. Can I ask you what is a more wonderful sound to hear in the middle of the night while laying semi-awake in a pop-up campier than the sound of a dog barfing his guts out?
To improve upon that, with gas nearly $4.00 a gallon, I have to drive the dogs home in the morning because they’re not allowed on the hiking trails. UGH. To all you useless pet owners who don’t clean up after them and thus ruin it for everyone I say a mighty “Fuck you! Thanks for ruining everything for the rest of us.” But I bite the bullet and take the puppies home and return to the park for a day of hiking, fun and sun. Another day with perfect weather.
One small problem: The Khan. See, he’s five, right? And eating and drinking are not his priority. Playing and running are. Well, with temps in the mid 80′s that’s a bad idea. He proceded to get dehydrated or a bit of heat exhaustion or something. Saturday night of this big adventure HE was the one throwing up in the camper. To make it worse, The Khan feels really bad about things like throwing up. After he was potty trained – the very rare accident would cause a meltdown -”I’m a bad boy!” kind of thing. So it’s the middle of the night and his majesty is vomiting and crying and apologizing and all I want to do is sleep in my nice comfy bed in my house instead of my camper. UGH.
June 28 -29th: Niece’s wedding and Twins – Brewers game. Very fun. I have determined that every time I see the Twins play in the dome two great things happen: The Twins win and the Yankees lose. Granted this is based on only two observation opportunities, but the potential is there. If it is true, I wish I had season tickets. I hate the Yankees so much. I don’t hate the Brewers but the way they played that day definitely earned them the loss.
July 1: Queen B goes to Houston. I miss her so much.
July 3: Finalization of the Czar’s adoption and cookout in Tunnel City
July 4: The farewell tour continues at my mother-in-law’s house.
July 5: Repeat July 4 at my mother’s house
July 6: Repeat above except as a welcome-home party for a friend’s kid that just got back from Basic and AIT.
And here we are: Tomorrow the movers show up to pack our stuff. Thursday the truck is loaded and Friday we start driving to El Paso. So despite this teaser round of bloggy mediocrity (I know bloggy goodness and this isn’t bloggy goodness), you’ll definitely be blogless until the 21st.
At least the matter of how I’ll amuse myself in El Paso is settled. I applied for admission to the PhD program in Management at NMSU and have been accepted. Classes begin August 18. Get ready for two years of my bitching about that!
Stay safe and come back in two weeks for the latest. Peace.
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