Much apologies to what is now probably 2 or 3 loyal readers. I have not abandoned you it is more like I don’t know where all my time has gone. I’m behind on tasks for work, behind on tasks for home and blogging hasn’t really fit in lately. I mean when you’re already pinched for time, it makes perfect sense to undertake an adoption with all its paperwork and the fundraising that adoption will require. That’s for the other blog though.

You want to know about The Trip. Oh dear readers… Let me begin by saying that when the Army “invites you” to attend something it is best to respectfully decline this invitation. These type of affairs normally end badly. Ours is not an exception.

It started off relatively smoothly. Our flights to El Paso were uneventful and we hooked up with our sponsors (long time friends) for some lunch after we landed. The hotel was very nice – even if it was a handicapped-accessible room which always unsettles me a bit (Oh shut up! Everyone has their weird quirks). I highly recommend the sleep number bed and the weather. It’s hot but dry so it isn’t an oppressive heat. As long as you keep hydrated, you’ll be fine! As expected, a light sweater is recommended for dealing with the AC and never leave home without your sunglasses. Yeah, I did that. Thank heaven for the PX.

The conference was well organized and presented a wide range of topics to help the RC and National Guard soldiers prepare for 9 months on Active Duty. This means that for most of us AGR families, 75% of the information presented held no value whatsoever. I already know what a PCS move is. I already know about the health insurance. I already know how to deal with Finance. It’s old.

Soldiers (and wives) fall into two categories: People with some modicum of common sense and whiny babies. Unfortunately, there are not enough of the former to prevent the latter from being promoted. The most frustrating part of the conference was hearing the same bunch of soldiers (SENIOR SOLDIERS mind you) ask the same damn question at least half a dozen times. “So if I get a waiver, I can keep my BAH for where I am now? ” “Is BAH for the city I live in or for the duty station?” “If I keep my BAH were I am, I can’t move all my stuff?” These three questions were asked in at least a dozen different ways and the soldiers were given the exact same answer everytime. “Yes, but you can’t move more than 500 pounds of household goods.” “It is based on duty station.” “No, if you get the BAH waiver because you’re telling the government you’re not moving. You cannot, then, actually move.” I swear we could have turned these questions into a drinking game based either on the number of different people asking the same question or the number of times a specific individual asked the same damn question. The most annoying was an AGR soldier – active duty – complaining repeatedly through questions that she has a house and wants to both move her stuff here and keep her BAH because she has a house!. Sell the fucking house. You’re active duty and won’t be going back there. That is part of the whole active duty thing, remember? You can’t have it both ways. One guy had to be told three times that he was not authorized to move a POV because he evidently didn’t process that the first two. And a couple others were just annoying in general. Were it not for Tetris on my cell phone, I’d have probably had an aneurysm. I confess to also being annoyed by wives that accompanied their husbands on the trip who have no intention – are not even considering the possibility- of accompanying their spouse on the EP tour. The invitation specifically said only for wives accompanying their sponsor during their tour of duty at USASMA. I hope you all enjoyed your free vacation but don’t bitch about your taxes or government spending, peeps. You’ve contributed your share to Fraud, Waste and Abuse. And this was just Day 1.

Day 2 was a little more relevant – for the first hour. We learned about employment – well okay, I got nothing out of that because I can’t get a government job to save my soul and already know how to write a resume and dress for a job interview. I was multi-tasking – trying to get adoption stuff taken care of – so I missed the housing presentation. The one thing I gave a shit about for the whole conference and I missed it. Making it worse, Sarge got pissy because I missed it and we had a huge fight. He was stressed about the whole thing (I have NO IDEA why) and, like always, I bore the brunt of his frustration. It. was. awesome. After a few tense moments and an explanation from me that I don’t really need/have time for/ deserve that shit, it blew over but for an hour or so while I sat in the briefing doing my “I don’t have an opinion because my husband thinks for me” schtick, it blew over. It is really easy to ignore grumpy old bastards when you have Tetris on your phone. Did I mention how much I love Tetris on my phone? I love my husband, I really do. But sometimes he needs reminding that he can be full of shit and I don’t have to put up with it. What was I doing that was not valuable compared to sitting in two god-damn days of briefings that are not valuable to me in any way? I already told him I was both pissed and sorry for missing the housing brief – let it go already!. I am happy that you’ll have time and are expected to work on your BA next year. I am NOT happy that I am expected to be active in the FRG, AFTB and SLDC courses. Spending time with other army wives – remember I’ve already told you what typical Army wives are like – is not my idea of a fun way to waste spend a year. USASMA, of course, has taken the assumption that being married to a soldier is just the same as enlisting. One minute they give you an employment briefing and a couple hours later they tell you about all these things you’re expected to do that happen during the course of a normal work day. Hello? How can I have a job that supports my family because my husband is woefully underpaid and still spend six hours a week from 9 – noon in some bullshit Army Wife Training. My favorite was with regard to the AFTB training. These are the courses I took online – all of them – in under two hours. We’re encouraged to take the classes – all levels – in person “because of the knowledge and experience you can share with less experienced spouses”. See, I speak bullshit fluently. I know that what this really means is that some Civilian is being paid large coin to “teach” the classes while the Senior NCO spouses actually provide the instruction. Fuck that. I’m hopeful that there will be a small group of cool chicks that will hang out and manage to avoid all the not-so-cool chicks. SHUT UP! I am too a cool chick!

Day three was the best. We had the whole day to ourselves for exploration. El Paso is not a bad town. People are nice and it’s easy to find your way around.And the weather – remember what I said about the weather? The downside was Wednesday when it was windy. Windy weather in EP means you feel like you’re walking around in a sandblaster. But we did get issued our house and we ended up feeling fairly settled about things in general for the coming year.

Day 4 was the icing on the cake! Remember the whole American Airlines fiasco? Guess which airline we were supposed to leave Texas on? Ding-ding! We have a winner. Our flights from El Paso to Dallas and Dallas to Chicago were both cancelled and we found ourselves scrambling to get out of Texas. We ended up flying three different airlines beginning with a leg from El Paso to Phoenix, including a leg from Houston to Minneapolis and finally a flight from Minneapolis to La Crosse. We literally slept in chairs in Houston Bush Airport. I wish I could say it was lovely, but it was not.

Of course we landed in La Crosse two hours late after a delay of exactly that length in Minneapolis. First a mechanical issue, then we had too much fuel on the plane for the number of passengers and the trip to La Crosse (it’s a short one) so they unloaded the plane and sent us four gates down to trade with another bunch of passengers. Then we board the second plane and the baggage handler forgot to give the bag count to Ground Control so we had to wait to track him down so that the weight and balance could be calculated and we could get cleared for takeoff. We were supposed to fly at eleven. We flew at 1 and landed at two. Do you think the air travel gods could look favorably on us and get our luggage there too? Nope!

No bags. None. 0 for 2 on the luggage count. Monday, Sarge got a call that they’d both been located in Lisbon, Portugal! Only one bag made it back from Portugal and it was trashed. Only one thing – a USASMA beer glass – got broken but the bag itself was beyond repair. Northwest gave us a replacement for it. The other bag – I just called – is now nowhere to be found. Of course that is the bag with all my clothes, hygiene items and jewelry in it. Our cell phone charger is in there too. But the status is “we have no idea but we’re looking for it. It isn’t in Houston and it isn’t in Minneapolis. We haven’t heard from Portugal and we generally have no idea where it is or what we can or will do about it.” UGH. I hope I never go TDY again.