Stressful…

I have just over two weeks (until March 14) to turn a sow into a silk purse. Yes, the sow is me and I will be escorted by my dashing soldier husband (I’m not even going to lie about how seeing him in his dress uniform makes me twitter – it does to his unit’s annual dining out. For you lucky non-Army people uninitiated, a dining out is a FORMAL event. Formal as in Sarge wears his very sexy blues and I need a formal dress. I need suggestions. Links, pictures, moral support. I am not a teeny tiny girl, I’m me. I haven’t worn a long dress since my first wedding and that fucker didn’t even fit. No idea where to look, what to look for, shoes, hair, makeup, nothing. I am completely clueless. This is the very first time I will accompany my husband of 14 years to a formal event and I guess I would like to make my best effort at looking good. Please, loyal readers, help me!

Edit: I think I have it covered. I went with this:
And this:

Plus a little black clutch purse. Now I just need shoes and jewels.

Bullet Points

1. I found the damn bank statement! Woot!
2. The upside of my illness – regardless of the cause is that I’ve dropped six pounds. Yes, I know it’s water weight. Ask me if I care?
3. I change my blog layout because I’m easily bored. I also missed the ability to log into my dashboard at the top. I know, I’m anal. Move along.
4. I’m sick of winter. The 70 degree weather elsewhere today is extremely appealing.
5. Giving my first essay exam today. Pray for me. Students like to write but they write a lot of stuff that makes no sense. But I think it’s a good exam so they can take it and like it or not.

Have a Laugh…

I want to say that I’m not necessarily a Hillary supporter, but Tina Fey? Smart and Hilarious!

Ugh!

Welcome to our world.

Day 2

Oh wow! I’m wondering why I feel so crappy today. Headache, queasy tummy… Just lousy. Is it the carb deprivation or is it just a fluke? Regardless, I hope it’s better tomorrow.

And Ian, you need to try a non-prepackaged South Beach meal. How does grilled salmon and steamed veggies sound? That’s beach friendly. Do you like eggs? Do you appreciate the millions of ways you can cook eggs? Eggs are very South Beach Friendly. Yesterday I had an omelette with cheese and salsa for breakfast with Canadian bacon. This morning – same eggs, different cheese, pork tenderloin (left over from last night) and mushrooms. Both delicious.

Tal, I started yesterday. Come on along. You know we’ll both feel great in a couple weeks.

Goin’ to the Beach

Ugh. I’m feeling fat and sluggish and going to a warm locale in six weeks. Today I’m starting the South Beach Diet Phase 1 (again). I lost about 30 pounds on the beach in 2004 and it felt really good. Unfortunately I’ve gained absolutely all of that back. I lost it again last year but that fat gut and ginormous ass keep finding me. They’re worse than my college alumni associations!

Yet Another Great Customer Service Story

So I am paying my bills right? And I’ve got one in the stack that is a big fat mistake. When we moved in June, Alltel screwed up the market change on our account big time. A couple months later I got an eight hundred dollar bill and my brain promptly blew up all over the ceiling. I called them, we talked through everything and I was assured everything is fine. So today, as I’m going through the remnants of bills to pay, I find a collection notice (WTF?)from an AllTel account. I’ve had no disruption of service and remember back in September everything was supposed to be A-OK.

I called AllTel. “Ma’am I don’t know how you didn’t get a bill”
Me: “I didn’t bet a bill for this amount because I PAID IT.”
AT: “We have no record of that”
Me: “Then why did I not get a bill after that last call in September when I was assured the bill was a-ok and I didn’t owe you anything beyond my regular monthly payments on my current account?”
AT: “I DON’T. KNOW.”
Me: “So what do we do?”
AT: “You need to pay the bill”
Me: “I already did”

And then my po-dunk bank pisses me off because I’m trying to pull up transactions online and can only get them from the middle of January 2008 to present no matter how hard I try. (Said bank already pisses me off because they’re not Quicken 2005 compatible with transaction downloads. I mean – what’s the rush? It’s 2008!)

AT: “I have no record of payment.”
Me: “And thanks to my hick bank, I can’t prove anything either. But I paid the bill, Alltel took my money and assured me everything was fine.”
AT: “Well, I can find no record of that.”
Me: “So what we have here is a situation where I can’t prove I paid this amount and you can’t prove that I didn’t”.
AT: “Yes Ma’am”
Me: “So I have to pay this bill”
AT: “Yes Ma’am”
Me: “So because your customer service people in (the shithole town I live in) can’t process a simple market change correctly I’m out another $165? And this is despite the fact that you can’t really prove I didn’t already pay it?”
AT: “Yes ma’am. I’m sorry ma’am”
Me: “Yes, I will bet you are because right before you came on the line, I agreed to take a customer satisfaction survey and I will be looking forward to that call within the next two hours. You have a great day.”

Fuck you.

Snow Day!

We are almost literally up to our asses in snow. In fact, the dogs and the Khan are up to their asses in snow. And the dogs love it. They’re pretty much the only ones. We got another 6 + inches yesterday and I don’t know what time it finally stopped today. But hey! There is a beautiful bonus from all this snow. The pantheon of winter childhood joy and a welcome respite for us grownups too.

The Snow Day.

I drive an hour each way to work which, this winter especially, means dealing with the weather. And despite record snowfalls this winter, this is my first snow day all season and likely my last because I’m ethical like that. But today was awesome. Despite checking my work e-mail about a dozen times, I did virtually nothing. Sarge had me scared for a minute because he mentioned the dreaded “C” word. Yes. You know the one: C-L-E-A-N-I-N-G. I spelled it because I’m normally not one to utter profanity. Oh shut the fuck up already!

Luckily, after cleaning the bathrooms which are small and took less than 15 minutes, that urge soon passed. The sarge, you see, did not have the proper “Sneetag” mindset since this is just a regular day off for him. UGH. I’m just glad he’s malleable and quickly came around to our way of slacking thinking and soon settled in for the Firefly marathon on sci-fi. Oh, and a nap. A blessed hour nap on the couch. If my sheets wouldn’t have been in the dryer that nap would have been with the Khan or the Sarge and wonderfully amazing. But my couch is good too. Now I’m blogging after spending all day trying to think of how to lighten up the blog after all the bitching political rambling this past week, I just feel like my loyal readers deserved levity. Nothing is lighter than fluffy white snow, right? I am sad to say that I didn’t knit. I didn’t read. I did jack shit except nap. I really love naps. I did tell you that, right?

Want to know my perfect day? At least I think it would be a perfect day if I could ever have one. Here it goes:
1. Some “snuggling” because no one has to get up or we’re awake before the alarm goes off (this never happens).
2. Workout – preferably outside by walking the dogs or taking a really great hike or bike ride.
3. Shower to eliminate the stinky part.
4. Breakfast: Waffles, fresh fruit and tea (coffee would work) or what we call the “Russian Breakfast” – cold cuts, cheese, fresh, crusty bread, fresh fruit and tea. AMAZING
5. I’d go to work. Really. I think workaholic isn’t the right word but when I love my work, I am happy to spend time at it. Ideally, it’d be the owner/manager of a place likelike this. The family is at work with me and we all get it done together. Yes, if I win the lottery achieve my retirement goals, I’ll still keep working. In fact, my retirement fund would enable me to purchase a place exactly like that and that is what I would do.
6. Playtime. After work, some time with the kids, dogs, hubby… doing whatever. A board game or a movie maybe.
7. Dinner. Healthy, laden with fresh food and eaten at the dining room table.
8. More fun time. If we had the lodge, probably a sauna or dip in the hot tub or lake.
9. Reading time – to the boys, for myself, all of the above.
10. If Sarge plays his cards right, maybe more “snuggling”. Shut up Crunchy. That’s what you get for reading your mother’s blog.

What’s your perfect day?

More Thoughts…

I’m really in a political mindset lately. Am I focused on the primary election? No. I don’t recall whether I’ve ever actually voted in a primary election. Being a politically independent thinker, I think not being able to split my ticket is a giant rip-off since I usually do split my ticket. In fact, if I haven’t reasarched the office in question, I just vote against the incumbent. Cool, huh? I know.

Ogre and I had a bit of a discussion yesterday. I don’t think he was pleased by the outcome because he just kind of stopped…talking. I wish I could bottle it.

We were discussing politics and, while we’re both behind the same guy, we have some significant points of difference. I think that we have entirely too many lawyers running our country. Why? People are fooled by lawyers. Lawyers think that they are smart because they went to law school and law school isn’t easy so they must, therefore be smart people.

The problem is that, in my experience, most lawyers have no street smarts. Lawyers spend three years memorizing laws and learning to interpret them. They learn how to help people avoid prosection or to prosecute them. The specialize in finding loopholes and cutting deals. This does not prepare them to run our country. This prepares them to fulfill their own delusions of grandeur and satisfy their own self interests and those of their clients special interest donors.

Lawyers typically pay so little attention to common sense details that they have to hire someone to make sure their bills get paid. Why would we put them in charge of paying our bills? We need more business majors and CPA’s in particular running this country. People who pay attention to detail to make good decisions and have proven ability to manage the affairs of a business. Yes, a business. We need to run our country like a business including making spending decisions that make sense. We do not borrow from our future with debt to fund any program that does not deliver value to the taxpayer. I would, frankly, prefer my president to be a lean guru. Eliminate waste, deliver value. It seems so damn logical, doesn’t it?

I believe so very strongly that our country needs a national healthcare system so that all men, women and children have access to the same quality of healthcare. I just don’t think that our government is capable of creating that plan. I envision logical delivery of care nationwide but the option our Congress and, unfortunately, any of the current presidential candidates is likely to come up with would be full of bureaucracy and pork for clients donors. Lawyers feel like they are able to inflate the cost of their services because they spent all that time in school and, well, they have bills to pay and I’m sure that a national healthcare system designed by lawyers would be a clusterfuck designed to not piss doctors off.

I believe we need to put common sense back in our tax code. When laywers create laws, laws have holes. Accountants do not make policy with holes. Let the AICPA re-design the tax code. Close the loopholes. Make taxes fair and eliminate tax loopholes designed to protect the wealth of the wealthy. I also say eliminate tax breaks for corporations that do not result in an increase of value provided to the taxpayer. I’ll bet restructing the tax code would result in much greater pay equity between leadership and line level employees. But I guess you could argue that salary is market-driven. Well, except for lawyers. I am not opposed to consumption based or flat tax concepts, but I know a bunch of lawyers would fuck that up.

Give me a body of leaders for my country that really does understand the concept of value creation. That’s what I want. Remember that I’m the customer and this country, this business of managing resources to provide maximum benefits to the taxpayer needs to focus on the customer – the taxpayer – to be successful. And start writing laws and guidelines in English not bullshit-legalese designed to keep lawyers from splitting hairs about what is is. And give me a decision-maker, not a decider.

Here’s my wish list:
Give me good healthcare.
Remove the opportunity to create frivolous litigation.
DO NOT LEGISLATE MY MORALS OR ANYONE ELSE’S.
Don’t spend money we don’t have on things that don’t add benefit to the majority.
Get the right people doing the right job – not just the low-cost provider.
Treat our military and our veterans with respect. Hey! Give us some of those benefits other Federal employees get or take them away from other Federal employees. Wouldn’t relocation assistance have helped this family this year? Government employees who choose to move get it while military families that have no choice do not. Backwards, right? Sorry. I digress.
Stop trying to use legislation to protect people from their own stupidity.
Stop using legislation to press forth your religion.
Start trying to create an atmosphere where people are accountable for their actions and responsible for outcomes. This is completely contrary to what lawyers do, right? That’s why we need fewer lawyers in our Government.

And last: Don’t tell me what I want. ASK.

Peace out.

I Need To Learn When to Shut Up

I’ve been reading the last couple of posts and I guess I’m still not clear and I’m also pretty sure I sound like a total bitch which, believe me, I am not.

I guess I am just trying to say I’ve got no patience for the perpetual victim type people. You know the type, right? Nothing is ever their fault and they are just devastated over it. “I got an F because the teacher’s a bitch.” “I didn’t get the job because I’m overweight.” “I burnt my self by spilling my coffee because I didn’t know it was hot.” Those people disturb my peace greatly. That’s all I’m trying to say.

Maybe tomorrow will be a shiny, happy blog. Today it’s fucking snowing. Again.